


Jealousy Hurts, Love Too

by lovemylarry



Category: Larry Stylinson - Fandom, One Direction (Band)
Genre: Christmas, Christmas Fluff, Christmas Presents, Jealousy, Love, M/M, Oral Sex, Relationship(s), Self-Harm, Sexual Content
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-10
Updated: 2016-12-10
Packaged: 2018-08-30 13:32:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 17,845
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8535094
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lovemylarry/pseuds/lovemylarry
Summary: Louis breaks the news to Harry that they can't spend Christmas together because he has to deal with babygate. When the pictures surface online, it's strikingly obvious that Louis isn't happy but Harry breaks down.





	1. Christmas shopping

**Author's Note:**

  * For [TheIfInLife](https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheIfInLife/gifts).



> Thank you [Gia](http://idshiplarry.tumblr.com/) for being my beta. ♥  
> To TheIfInLife, I hope you like my interpretation of your summary. Thank you for this idea, I loved it.  
> You can find me on [tumblr](http://lovemylarry.tumblr.com/)/[twitter](https://twitter.com/lovemylarryxx).  
> Attention: The story includes self-harm!
> 
> Don't translate or publish my work without my permission. Thank you.

It was almost 9 pm when Harry came home. His bags were stuffed full of various Christmas decorations, cards, baubles, gift wrapping paper and several other things Harry would definitely needed for Christmas. Originally he only wanted to buy a new tablecloth or two but when he saw all these beautiful things, he just couldn’t walk past them. He was sure that Louis would probably call him a hopeless Christmas shopping addict again (“What normal person would need these things, Harry!”) if he saw all his new purchases. Harry didn’t care. He loved decorating the house for Christmas, he loved creating Christmas cards for family and friends (although he always bought a few cards in case if he failed with his own) and he used to bake biscuits in super cute shapes like Christmas trees, stars or angels with his family and friends. December and Christmas time had always been Harry’s favorite time of the year.  

Harry had always spent Christmas with his family and friends but this year it would be different. He planned to spend this year together with Louis in their London house for the first time. Luckily the band got four weeks off between December and January. Harry wanted to spend most  of them with Louis (and Louis wanted that too). Harry could literally count on two hands how many weeks he had spent alone with his boyfriend this year and unfortunately there weren’t many. It was no wonder that Harry’s anticipation of spending time with Louis made the boy more than happy. The year had been extremely stressful for both of them and Harry just couldn’t wait to finally relax and enjoy his time off with Louis.

After Harry stepped into the house he put the bags down in the corridor, hung his coat neatly onto a hook and rubbed his hands together to warm himself. The weather had gotten colder during the past few days and he was freezing. He took a hot shower first before he spread the content of his bags on the huge wooden table in the living room. Harry let out a sigh of joy when he looked at all the cute items he had bought: Christmas trees, snowflakes, reindeers and many other things. Then Harry turned on the stereo system to listen to his favourite song of all times: Driving home for Christmas by Chris Rea. This tune was his everything and he loved listen to it throughout the year. He knew that he could drive Louis up the wall if he turned it on during the summer. He then turned up the music as loud as possible and sang while unpacking everything that was placed on the table and sat down to arrange the new goodies. He took a quick picture to his mum and sister of his giant Christmas haul.

“Jesus fucking Christ!” a loud voice yelled. 

Harry turned around and saw Louis. He covered his face with the palms of his hands and let out a loud sigh as he stepped into the living room.

 “Harry,” he moaned, “What is this?” 

“Lou! Look what I bought today!” Harry smiled proudly at Louis, pointing at the pile of Christmas stuff in front of him. 

“Isn’t this amazing? I thought we could decorate the house together so I bought lots of new Christmas decorations and also some of these wall tattoos with those cute little snowflakes and Christmas tree motives! Look!” Harry said happily, holding the wall tattoos up. “Aren’t they cute?”

Louis shook his head and walked closer to the younger boy. 

“Harry . . . I mean . . . what . . . what is this? We’ve got boxes full of Christmas stuff in the cellar and you still bought more? Why?” he asked pointing at the pile in front of Harry. 

“We don’t need more of these things!”

Harry shrugged his shoulders. 

“It’s my money I’m spending, not yours,” he answered disappointed. 

Louis was about to walk away when Harry grabbed his wrist. 

“Hey love, what happened? Can I do something for you?” he asked.

 Louis just shook his head. 

“I just had a shitty day and my head hurts like hell,” Louis answered. 

“I’ll just take a shower and go to bed.”

“If you want to talk. . .” Harry said but got interrupted by Louis.

 “I don’t want to talk now,” he said coolly and walked away without turning around again.

Harry was disappointed. He had been so happy a few minutes ago but all his excitement was blown away within seconds. He put his new items back into the bags, switched off the music and decided to go to bed too. He didn’t really feel like doing anything else. He waited for Louis to finish his shower and then took his own.

As Harry was getting under the covers, Louis seemed to be asleep. His breathing had slowed down and he didn’t move so Harry carefully laid down on his back, folded his hands and stared at the ceiling. He looked at the older boy from time to time but Louis didn’t budge. Harry wasn’t tired and no matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t fall asleep. He moved closer to Louis, spooned him from behind and gave him a small kiss onto his shoulder. He wrapped his arm around his boyfriend and let out a quiet sigh.

Suddenly Louis moved. He nuzzled closer to Harry, pulled Harry’s arm tighter around his body and kissed the back of his boyfriend’s hand. They laid like this for a bit before Harry felt Louis’ lips on the back of his hand. 

“Harry?” Louis said into the dark.

“Hm?” Harry responded quietly. 

The older boy turned around to face him. 

“I didn’t mean it,” Louis said quietly. “I’m sorry. You were so happy and I was a dick.”

Harry kissed Louis’ forehead. 

“It’s okay. Everyone can have a shitty day.” Harry answered and gave Louis a small smile before he curled up next to the older boy. 

Louis wrapped his arms around him and Harry drifted away to sleep slowly.


	2. Bad news

When Harry woke up the next morning, Louis wasn’t in bed anymore. The boy yawned loudly and stretched his lean body before getting up too. Harry found Louis in the kitchen. He was sitting on one of the bar stools, staring out of the window. Harry put his hands onto Louis’ shoulders and gave them a squeeze.

“Good morning love,” he said and kissed the back of Louis’ head. Then he sat down next to him. “Is your headache better today?”

Louis gave Harry a kiss onto his lips and nodded. “It’s better today.” Louis answered and took a sip of his tea. 

“That’s good,” Harry said while pouring hot tea into a mug for himself. “What do you think about jogging this morning? The paths in the park should be OK for a run.”

“That that might be a good idea,” Louis said smiling.

“Good. But we shouldn’t eat before so let’s just finish the tea and go.”

Louis just nodded. Harry put his hands around his mug to warm them. 

“Are you still mad at me that I bought all that Christmas stuff?” Harry asked Louis quietly. “It seems like . . . “

Louis shook his head. “I’m not mad, Harry. It’s just . . . we’ve got so many things already, I really don’t understand why you’re so obsessed with Christmas.” Louis took a sip of his tea.

“I just love it. It’s Christmas in a few days so I thought decorating the house would be nice today and of course it would be more fun to do it with you. Would you maybe . . . ?” The boy gave Louis a super sweet look and batted his eyelashed. “Please!”

“I don’t know. Maybe I will if you keep looking at me like that baby,” he answered with a small smile, “. . . but you know, there are other things I’d like to do with you right now so . . . what about . . . this . . .” 

Louis whispered quietly while he looked deep into Harry’s eyes and leaned forward with his eyes closed. He pulled Harry close by his neck and gave him a slow french kiss. Louis then got up from his chair, kissed Harry’s temple and breathed against his ear. “You’re such a turn on baby,” Louis cooed and took Harry’s hand.

Harry made his way over to the couch where Louis pinned him down, straddled his lap and kissed him again. Then Louis kneeled down in front of Harry and started to pull down his boxers. 

“Beautiful,” Louis whispered as he saw Harry’s semi-hard penis and gave it a short lick before he leaned in for a sloppy kiss again. 

Harry felt hot, too hot. He loved Louis’ touch and bit his lip in excitement. Louis moved away from his face again, spread Harry’s legs and moved closer to his length. 

“You’re always ready for me baby, aren’t you?” 

Harry pressed his lips together, nodded and let his hand run across Louis’ hair slightly. Louis smirked at the boy and gave Harry’s penis some slow strokes before he took him into his mouth. Louis’ warm tongue circled around his tip while he sucked at his length and moved his hand up and down his shaft. 

Harry loved this, he loved to watch Louis doing this to him and he loved his hollow cheeks. Harry whimpered quietly while he grabbed Louis’ hair and pulled at it a little. Louis pulled away from Harry to wet his tip with some more spit that ran down Louis’ hands. The older boy gave Harry some gentle and utter slow strokes, not breaking eye contact. 

When Harry pushed his hips up, Louis increased his grip and sped up. Harry moaned loudly at the sensation and pushed his hips up again. He nearly met Louis’ mouth so he didn’t hesitate to give Harry a slow lick before he pumped him painful slowly again. “You’re such a tease!” Harry complained with a moan but Louis didn’t react. He continued to pump Harry slowly before he let go and took him into his mouth. Louis warm mouth felt so good around Harry, so good that he pushed up his hips again. Thank god Louis didn’t mind but sucked harder and let his tongue circle around Harry’s tip before he started to move his head up and down Harry’s shaft again. He wrapped his hand around Harry again and let it slide along his throbbing length. The sensation of Louis’ touch was so good that Harry closed his eyes and tugged at Louis’ hair again.

“You like that baby, don’t you,” Louis whispered as he tightened his grip around Harry again and started to increase his speed. 

He got up without taking his hands away from the panting boy and gave him a deep, sloppy kiss. Harry moaned into Louis’ mouth because his boyfriend’s touch felt amazing and he was close, very close. 

“If you could look at yourself right now,” Louis cooed. “You look so hot with your cock out and your red cheeks baby. Do you want me to make you come already?” Louis asked Harry while he was pumping him faster. 

Harry pressed his lips together and whimpered. He turned his head towards Louis and kissed him hungrily. “Please Louis, please don’t stop!” Harry whined when Louis slowed down his speed. 

Harry could feel Louis’ breath against his ear what drove him crazy. He pushed his hips up again to get more friction because Louis’ grip wasn’t enough for Harry. Harry’s reaction made Louis smirk against his ear. 

“You’re needy, aren’t you?” Louis breathed into Harry’s ear. He let his tongue gently run along Harry’s ear what made Harry shiver. 

“Lou . . .” he whined and pulled Louis close for a kiss again.

Louis let his tongue run along Harry’s lips before he leaned in for the kiss. He pumped Harry faster and faster this time, not breaking the kiss for a while. Harry could feel the energy in his lower stomach and he could nearly burst from the sensation of it. Thank God Louis wasn't being a tease anymore. He continued to wank Harry, took his him into his mouth again and watched his boyfriend trembling out of lust and arousal. Harry moaned loudly with his eyes closed and felt Louis grabbing his hand. Harry squeezed it hard to indicate that he was about to come. He could feel it, he could feel it coming and it took Louis only two more strokes to send Harry over the edge. He let out a loud moan when he came, his body spasmed and squirmed under Louis’ touch and the release felt amazing. Louis didn’t pull away from Harry. He held him in his hand for a while and waited for Harry to recover from his high.

Harry nuzzled close to Louis, wrapped his arms around him and looked him in the eyes. “You’re the best at this,” he said with a smile and gave Louis a kiss.

“And you’re the hottest guy on this planet,” the older boy replied. 

“I nearly came in my pants because of you,” he smirked, straddling Harry’s lap. 

“I love to watch you getting close to your orgasm. You look so hot every time, so needy, so sexy. Just wow.”

Harry put his hand over Louis’ mouth. 

“Stop it! I’m embarrassed!” he said and lowered his head.

Louis put his hand under Harry’s chin and pushed it up. 

“You’re so cute when you’re embarrassed. That’s another thing I love about you.” Louis smiled at Harry and gave him a small kiss. 

“Well then . . . I think it’s time for me to make you feel good too…” 

Harry whispered as he winked at Louis, slowly pushing him down onto the sofa.

> > >

The winter morning was indeed lovely. The air was crisp and clean. The wind blew strongly into their faces as they were walking over to the park that was only a few metres away from their house. After they had jogged along the trails for about an hour, they reached a hill where they paused. You could see all of London from where they stood and the view was amazing.

“It’s beautiful up here,” Louis said and put his hands onto his hips while he was catching his breath. “I love it.”

Harry nodded. He scooted closer to Louis and hugged him from behind, placing a kiss onto his cheek. 

“I’m so happy to be with you, love. I can’t wait to spend Christmas with you this year,” Harry whispered into Louis’ ear as he was holding him close. “How can I convince you to help me decorating?” Harry smiled and kissed Louis’ ear gently.

Louis just mumbled something that Harry couldn’t understand. He freed himself from Harry’s embrace and walked to a close bench where he sat down. Harry followed him and sat down too. He put his hand onto Louis’ shoulder giving him a gentle squeeze. 

“Hey Lou, did I . . . did I say something wrong?”

The older boy leaned forward, put his elbows onto his knees and folded his hands before he bowed his head. He stayed in this position for a while. 

“Harry . . . I . . . I just don’t know how . . . how to tell you. . .”

Harry felt a weird feeling in the pit of his stomach. This wasn’t good. Louis’ tone had gotten different and he got more distant all of a sudden. Something was wrong and Harry just wanted to run away. Louis shook his head and pressed his lips together as he was rubbing his face. 

“Harry . . . I . . . I’m sorry that I have to disappoint you but . . . we won’t be able to spend Christmas together and I’m not sure about New Year’s Eve either,” Louis said quietly, his eyes glued to the frozen ground.

Louis’ words hit Harry like a lightning. 

“You’re kidding, Louis. Tell me you’re joking,” he said quietly. 

Secretly he wished that this was one of Louis’ stupid jokes that scared the shit out of him. Harry hoped that Louis’s serious face would turn into a wide smile, telling him that he was just kidding.

Louis shook his head. 

“I’m not joking. They told me that I will have to stunt during Christmas and maybe even at New Year’s Eve. My plane is already scheduled for Friday.” Louis exhaled loudly. 

He got up, walked a few steps and stopped.

“That can’t be true. I . . . I don’t know what to say,” Harry said quietly. 

He was at the verge of tears. 

“This should be our first Christmas together and you’re seriously telling me that you can’t spend it with me?” Harry’s voice was trembling. “I was looking forward for that time for so long . . . we’ve barely spent quality time together during the last months! Why do you do that to me Louis, why?” Hot tears of anger and disappointment ran down Harry’s cheeks while he spoke. 

The uncomfortable feeling in the pit of his stomach nearly drove him crazy. He wiped his eyes but it didn’t help. Everything was blurry around him. Harry looked at the ground. 

“That’s why you acted strange yesterday,” he said quietly. 

He let out a few sobs before he continued talking. 

“Why didn’t you talk to me yesterday? Instead you told me you were having a headache! You knew it, you knew and you just didn’t tell me! When I asked you about decorating the house this morning you tried – no, you absolutely distracted me but have you really thought that I wouldn’t notice something was wrong? Do you think I’m dumb?” Harry was beside himself at that point.

Louis threw his hands in the air. 

“Oh come on, don’t be dramatic! Do you really think I WANT that? Do you really think I’ve chosen to be stunting instead of being with you? Hell no! You know management, you know the contracts! It has never been my choice and this fucking stunt is annoying as hell but I have to do it! If it wasn’t me doing this it could have been you! They could have forced you to spend Christmas with Kendall and her family. Do you think that would have been better for us? No Harry! I agreed on going through this fucking stunt just to save you from more harm! Don’t you remember your breakdown a few years ago? Now you’re yelling at me as a thank you or what? Are you serious? You know what is going to happen if I refuse to work with them and the impact of that is definitely going to be very bad for all of us, not just for me and you but for the others too! I don’t want to go to LA at all, Harry! I want to stay with you but I can’t! I have no other choice!” Louis kicked a branch away. 

“Fuck!”

“I know Louis but couldn’t you at least try to talk to them? I bet you just sat there with your mouth shut while they gave you your schedule! You could have tried to ask them to postpone that stunt or something! You knew that we had planned our holidays for so long and now everything is destroyed because of you!” Harry screamed.

“I know, I know!” Louis mocked Harry’s words and walked towards him. 

“What’s wrong with you? You know exactly that I’m always the one who contradicts them but they didn’t care, Harry! They just don’t care about our relationship and you know better than me how much they’re disgusted to be confronted with it which is the reason for all that shit we’re going through! You know that I have always been the one who stood up for everyone, the one who stood up for all that shit they have done to us in the past and that’s what’s left now!” Louis yelled, facing Harry directly. 

“Simon told me that I had to pay for all because of my loose tongue and it wouldn’t be nice for both of us! There’s absolutely no possibility for me to cancel this,” Louis sighted.

“Try again,” Harry said emotionless.

“You’re ridiculous. Haven’t you listened to what I was telling you? There is No. Way. to change it! On the contrary – they’ll probably think of something worse if I asked them again!” Louis yelled.

“That’s all?” Harry asked. “You could try but you won’t?”

Louis face was red from anger, probably also because the cold wind was blowing around his face. 

“Harry!” Louis moaned annoyed. “Didn’t you listen to me? I’m fucking tired of that shit and I’m fucking tired of you being unfair to me without a reason! You know that I don’t want to be a part of any of this… NONE OF IT!” Louis yelled loudly at Harry that his voice nearly cracked.

Harry looked at him. Tears were still running down his cheeks. 

“So that’s all? You have to do it and that’s it? You won’t ask them again?” he asked with a teary voice.

“You’re such a freak. Are you fucking dumb or what?” Louis shook his head. “It’s not worth asking those fuckers again, it won’t change anything.”

“So you think I’m not worth it? That I’m not worth asking? You are such a miserable human being,” Harry whispered, looking at Louis through his teary eyes.

“You know what Harry? Fuck off. If you really think that you’re not important to me and that I want to stunt, then you really need to fuck off.” Louis said disappointed and turned around. “If you’re acting like this then maybe I don’t want to spend Christmas with you and maybe it’s better that we won’t see each other for a while,” Louis yelled as he was running away.

Harry sat there on the bench, watching Louis disappear between the trees. He was covered in tears because Louis’ words hurt him so much. When Louis was gone, he collapsed


	3. Left alone

Harry didn’t remember how long he had been sitting in the cold but it must have been awhile because his whole body felt numb when he tried to get up. Meanwhile, it had started to snow heavily and the wind blew stronger than before. His clothes were soaked, his hands and face numb from the bitter cold. If he was honest to himself he didn’t really want to go home. He didn’t want to face the truth again, he didn’t want to see Louis, he just wanted to hide somewhere and cry forever because the pain in his heart was nearly unbearable.

When Harry came home Louis was nowhere to be seen. He thought he could be possibly training in the gym because that was what Louis usually did when they were arguing or when he was angry. Harry was glad that he could avoid Louis and went into the bathroom to have a shower. After he got dressed he made himself a cup of tea and sat down in front of the telly.

“Oh, you’re back,” Louis said as he was walking up the stairs from downstairs.

Harry didn’t react. The queasy feeling in the pit of his stomach was a mixture of sadness, anger and disappointment and it nearly drove him crazy. He really wanted to throw something at Louis but of course he didn’t because he knew it wouldn’t help. Couldn’t Louis just leave? Instead he sat down at the other and of the sofa, put his elbows onto his knees and bowed his head. He stayed like this for a while, nodded a few times and looked over to Harry for a second.

“So this is where we are now? You won’t talk to me anymore?” His tone was so different.

Harry looked at Louis for a short moment but then he turned his head away again. It hurt to see his beautiful face and it hurt to hear his voice that wasn’t as playful as usual.

“Okay then,” Louis said with a sigh. He rubbed his hands onto his thighs before he got up. “This isn’t how I want to spend my last days here. I will go to my mum’s house for a few days and if you change your mind call me – if not have a nice Christmas,” Louis said coolly and walked away.

His words burnt like fire in Harry’s heart. “Yeah, just leave me alone Louis – if that’s what you think is right!” Harry yelled angrily and threw a pillow at Louis who just let it fall onto the floor. “Go away!” Harry cried and buried his face into the palms of his hands. “I hate you so much!” His body was trembling as tears were running down his cheeks again and he was crying bitterly. Louis didn’t react.

Harry had never thought that Louis would really leave this evening but he did. When Louis had closed the door, Harry just stared at it for a while but the more time passed, the more it became obvious that Louis wouldn’t come back. Harry couldn’t stop crying out of sadness and anger. The feeling inside him was so consuming that he thought he’d never recover from it. He sat on the couch for hours not moving and just crying because he felt so empty and lost. He didn’t even notice that it had already gotten dark outside and his TV had already switched itself off.

Harry got so angry suddenly that he got up, walked over to the table and threw the beautiful porcelain vase onto the floor. The delicate china scattered into a million pieces when it hit the floor. Harry was so enraged that he also grabbed the bags with the Christmas stuff and threw them out next to the bins. He slammed the door close and walked back into the living room where he looked at his phone. There were no new messages from Louis. Harry let out a loud scream, buried his face into the palms of his hands and sobbed. He took the framed drawing of him and smashed it against the wall where the picture frame of glass burst into millions of pieces. Harry picked the pencil drawing up and ripped it into small pieces that trickled onto the floor.

While tears were still running down his cheeks, Harry walked into the bathroom where he rummaged through the drawers until he finally found a pack of blades. Everything was blurry around him when he sat down on the bathmat and opened the box with shaking hands. He cried while he cut himself over and over again until the skin of his left arm was covered in blood.

Harry had been there before. He knew what could help him taking away the pain, even if it only was temporarily. It was Louis who helped him through when this habit had finally taken control over the boy. Harry was thankful for Louis’ help and he had promised to Louis to never do it again. But this was different. No matter how angry Louis would probably be with him, he just couldn’t stop. The pain in his heart was just too much to bare.


	4. The call

Harry spent the next days at home without doing anything meaningful. He slept until noon, watched TV for hours and ate a lot of junk food. On Friday morning he woke up because of the ringing of his phone. When he turned to the left he noticed that Louis was really gone. It had been two days only but it felt like months and the pain in his heart was still strong as he looked at the empty side of the bed. The thought of their fight made Harry sad. He knew that he had said some nasty things to Louis and he was aware of the fact that he probably should have apologized but he couldn’t change it. He was still pissed and disappointed so it was okay that Louis wasn’t there. Harry let out a loud sigh while he got up and walked over to the phone. 

“Hello?” 

“Hi Harry! It’s Jay!”

Harry frowned. Why was Louis’ mum calling him?

“Louis left for LA this morning and I was wondering how you’re doing.”

Harry hadn’t realized that it was Friday already. He just sat there in silence without answering. Had Louis told his mum about their fight?

“Are you still there, love?” Jay asked, interrupting Harry’s thoughts.

“Oh yes, yes. I’m here. Sorry,” Harry answered quickly and cleared his throat. 

“You must be very sad about the fact that he has to work over Christmas and you should know I’m very sorry that you can’t spend it together as you’ve planned.” Jay’s voice sounded normal so obviously Louis hadn’t told his mum anything. 

“Unfortunately,” the boy sighted. Harry really didn’t want to talk much and Jay mentioning Louis only made the pain sting worse than anything.

“Where will you spend Christmas this year, Harry? Will you follow Anne and your family to Thailand?”

Harry shook his head although he knew Jay couldn’t see him. 

“No, I . . . I think I’ll be home on my own,” Harry said quietly. 

“Oh no, Harry! I won’t let you be alone at Christmas. You’re invited to spend Christmas with us this year. You know you’re always welcome here and I’m sure the kids would love having you around. Phoebe and Daisy haven’t stopped asking me about you visiting again since you were here the last time and the twins have nearly learned to pronounce your name! It would be a nice surprise for them,” Jay chuckled, “. . . they’re obsessed with you. I would be happy too if you joined us.” Jay said. “You can come over today or tomorrow, as you like. We’ve planned many fun things to do before Christmas like baking cookies, buying a tree, decorating the house, going to the cinema, grocery shopping . . . you could be with us so you wouldn’t have to sit alone. Would you like to? You can stay until Louis comes back from LA if you like.”

Jay had always been a sweet person and Harry loved Louis’ family dearly. He knew she really meant it and he had to admit that everything would be better than staying on his own at Christmas. He should probably spend Christmas with the Tomlinsons. The fight was still bothering Harry and it hurt that that Louis left without a word and it hurt that he wouldn’t be there. 

Suddenly something snapped inside of his head. What if his stay at the Tomlinson’s house would hurt Louis as much as Louis’ refusal had hurt Harry? Louis would probably be jealous that Harry could spend the best time of the year with Louis’ loved ones while he had to stunt with Danielle, Briana and the baby. Harry would have a decent time while his boyfriend was away. Harry thought that would be sort of a revenge for him and it took him only seconds to decide that he would definitely join them the next day. 

“Maybe you’re right,” Harry said slowly. “Thank you for the offer, Jay. I think I’ll stay with you. But are you sure that I won’t bother you . . .” 

“Harry!” Jay said in a sharp tone, “. . . stop thinking that. You’re invited and you know that we love spending time with you. I won’t accept a no anyway!” Harry could hear Jay smiling. “Deal?”

Jay’s tone forced a smile out of Harry. 

“Okay, okay, deal. I promise. I’ll spend Christmas with you. But I still have to pack and get the girls some presents. At what time could I arrive tomorrow? Have you planned anything?” Harry asked.

“Don’t buy too many things, okay? Well, we’ll go grocery shopping around eleven so if you want to join us you could arrive earlier. Fizzy and Lottie will be with a friend so there won’t be anyone at home for about two or three hours. So either you come around half past ten or around two, as you like.”

“I think I’d like to join you then. Thank you so much, Jay. That’s really nice of you.” Harry tried to sound happier than he really was. He loved Jay and her family, he loved them very, very much but without Louis . . . this was weird.

“Great. I won’t tell the girls anything and I’m so happy that you’ll be with us!”

They continued talking for a while until Harry finally ended the call because he had to wee and ease the pain that was still torturing him. The emptiness in his heart hurt more than the cuts that ripped his skin open again and again until the blood ran down his arms in streams.


	5. At the Tomlinson's

Harry woke up early the next day. He had a quick shower, threw his luggage into the boot of his Range Rover and left London around nine in the morning. It took him two hours to get all the presents for the Tomlinsons but he didn’t want to show up empty-handed at Christmas. Plus, he really loved Louis’ family. The drive to Doncaster was nice. It was snowing slightly and the landscape looked as if it was covered with a white blanket. There weren’t many cars in the streets so Harry arrived at the Tomlinson’s house in time. As he took out his bags out of the boot he could already hear the girls screaming inside of the house. It took only seconds until the door was opened and the twin girls came running toward Harry with open arms.

“Harry!” Phoebe yelled as she was wrapping her arms around the tall boy and pressed her body close to him, “I’m so happy that you’re here! We weren’t expecting you at all! This is so great! We’ve missed you a lot!” She hugged him, jumped up and down and squeezed him again. 

“That’s so cool, I didn’t know you were coming!” her sister said and let herself pull close by Harry. 

Harry kissed the girls and gave each of them a warm hug. Jay appeared too and welcomed him.

“I’m so happy that you’re here, Harry,” Jay whispered into his ear while she gave Harry a tight hug and a kiss onto his cheek. “You’re family to us. Look how happy the girls are,” she said with a smile. “You definitely made the right decision.”

Harry nodded. “I’m already convinced,” he smiled and caressed the girls’ backs quickly.

Jay and the girls helped Harry to carry his bags upstairs. 

“I prepared the guest room for you so you can have some privacy whenever you need it,” Jay explained while she opened the door to the bright room. “Make yourself at home. You can decorate the room if you want, I really don’t mind. You can stay as long as you want.”

“I will,” Harry nodded. “Thank you so much.” Harry put his bag onto the floor and gave Jay another hug. “I really appreciate it.”

Jay gave him a bright smile. “Oh Harry, you’re welcome. Don’t worry about anything. Whenever you need something, just tell me or the girls. You can find fresh towels in the bathroom and of course you use all the shower gels and shampoos there.”

“Would you help us to decorate our room and the tree?” Daisy asked Harry and leaned her head onto his shoulder.

“That would be great! We’ll probably buy the tree today and then we could start decorating in the afternoon!” Phoebe added while clapping her hands together with joy.

Jay interrupted the twins. “Just let Harry rest a little, okay? He just arrived and I bet he’s tired from the drive.”

“It’s fine Jay, don’t worry,” Harry said with a smile and put his arms around the girls to pull them close again. “I’d love to help, of course. I’ll just unpack my bags and then I’ll join you,” Harry explained. 

He smiled at the girls who hugged him again and walked out of the room.

“If you want to have a shower or if you’re hungry just help yourself. Our home is your home.” Jay said and gently rubbed Harry’s back. “We’ll leave at eleven so you still got enough time to get ready. I’m downstairs if you need anything.”

Harry thanked Jay again and started unpacking his bags. Then he lied down on the bed, crossed his arms behind his back and looked around the room in silence. He remembered the day when he stayed here for the first time. Louis and him were getting closer to each other and Louis suddenly sneaked into the room in the middle of the night. They spent the whole night cuddling and kissing until Louis left before dawn. Harry sighed because just the though of this wonderful night hurt him too much. It felt strange to be at the Tomlinson’s house without Louis. 

Later that day, the whole family and Harry went grocery shopping. It was good that Harry was with them because they needed a lot of shopping trolleys. They were full with food and other things for the next few days. Harry and Dan walked over to the nearby forest to buy a Christmas tree there while the girls and Jay unloaded the family van and carried everything inside.

Fizzy and Lottie returned in the afternoon and were also surprised to find Harry sitting in the living room with their siblings. They loved Harry as much as the rest of the family and they all made Harry almost forget about his trouble and heart ache. Harry had a nice time with the Tomlinsons and it seemed like Louis’ family didn’t know about their fight. They weren’t asking Harry questions about it and didn’t behave strange toward him at all.

During the next days Harry helped the family to decorate the Christmas tree and the house. Jay baked cookies with the girls and Harry until they were covered in flour and powder sugar. Harry often went out for walks with the girls and they usually took the sleds with them. The youngest siblings Doris and Ernie sat on one of the sleds, wrapped up in warm jackets, beanies, gloves and cosy blankets. The younger twins enjoyed being pulled along the snowy paths and meadows so much that they rejoiced all the time. Whenever Harry pulled them over a stone or branch and the sled moved a bit uncontrolled they shouted: “Again, Arry, again!” and giggled loudly. Harry and the kids built several snowmen in their huge garden until their hands were numb and cold.  One evening Harry even made pizza for everyone. They watched movies at night while the girls and Harry fell asleep on the sofa where they were all cuddled up together.

It really felt like home for Harry at the Tomlinson’s house and he had to admit that he was glad to be there with all of them. He had a good time but still there was this little sting in his heart, a slight pain that just wouldn’t go away. It was worse at night when Harry was alone in his bed and had enough time to think about everything that had happened. Harry thought of the day Louis told him that he couldn’t spend Christmas with him. He recalled the pictures in his head again. Louis yelling at him, Louis walking out of the door. He remembered how lost and angry he felt when Louis was gone and he saw himself throwing the vase and their picture against the wall out of anger. Harry caught himself looking at photos of Louis he had saved in his phone and ended up crying himself to sleep almost every night. 

The worst thing was that nothing helped to make Harry feel better when it came to Louis. Neither the love Jay’s family showed him nor the beautiful winter weather could help Harry to ease the pain. Nothing really helped so Harry ended up cutting a lot more than he had done before. The pain in his heart was just too strong. He wore a lot of sweaters that hid the cuts from Louis’ family. 

The day before Louis’ birthday Jay and the older girls made a huge cake for him. Daisy and Phoebe drew a huge card with the younger twins and Harry helped with it too. They had no clue about the fight and Harry didn’t want them to know so he just wrote his name below Jay’s in small letters. They had arranged a meeting on Skype with Louis on his birthday but before they called him, Dan took a picture of Harry and the family in front of the huge cake to send it to Louis first. Jay also showed Harry the picture she had taken while he was asleep on the sofa, all siblings cuddled up next to him. It was such a lovely picture that made Harry’s heart jump. 

“I’ll send that to Louis too,” she said happily. “He’ll love it, I’m sure. Look how cute you all are!”

 Harry just nodded and forced a small smile. 

When they called Louis for his birthday, Harry tried his best to behave normally but it was so hard for him when it came to Louis, especially when he saw him on video. It hurt to see Louis again and it hurt that they hadn’t talked for days. Thank god Louis’ mum and sisters talked so much with him that Harry didn’t have to talk much. But there was no way to escape it completely so Harry at least pretended to be happy and shouted a “happy birthday” out and applauded when Louis thanked his family for the cake.

“What do you think about the picture where Harry’s with your siblings? Isn’t that cute?” Jay asked Louis happily. “They love him and I’m very sorry that you can’t be together this year,” she said to Louis.

Harry felt the heat crawling up his body. He could feel that Louis was uncomfortable too but Jay didn’t realize, thank God.

“Yeah, it’s cute. They love him, I know,” he said with a low voice. “I miss you all.”

Everyone talked to Louis for a while and when it came to Harry, Louis said that he’d call him later. To be honest, Harry was relieved because it was his biggest fear to have to talk to Louis on Skype while everyone was listening. They would notice that something was wrong so he just wished Louis a happy birthday again and said goodbye to him. 

Harry didn’t call Louis that night.

Harry had spent a lovely Christmas with the Tomlinsons. In the morning they exchanged presents in the living room, followed by a substantial meal. In the evening Harry sent Louis a few happy pictures of him with his family and texted him.

Harry: At least I’m having a decent time while you’re there, apparently “working”.

Louis: I had no idea that you could reach such a low level, Harry. 

Harry: You left me alone and canceled our plans, it’s not my fault.

Louis: It’s nobody’s “fault”. I had no other choice.

Harry: You’re a coward and a liar.

Louis: I have to go now. Danielle is waiting for me – we’re going out to celebrate my birthday with some friends.

Harry: Going out with that bitch Briana and her kid? That’s lame, Louis.

Louis: Absolutely not. I met a nice guy two days ago and we get on really well. You’re not the only one in that game, Harry.

Harry: You’re so cruel . . .

Louis: Don’t play the victim here, Harry. Now stop texting me because I can’t stand your jealousy anymore. Stop playing cool around my family. I should have told them the truth about you, now I regret that I didn’t. Ugh, you’re making me feel sick.

Harry: I hate you!

Louis: Yeah, same. Fuck off now!

Louis’ words hurt Harry more than he would have expected. Of course mentioning himself having a good time with Louis’ family was like twisting the knife in the wound (what he totally intended) but Harry didn’t think of how much he would suffer by his actions too. He threw the phone onto his bed and walked out of the room. He locked himself in the bathroom, turned the shower on and cut himself until he stopped crying. 

When Harry lied down in his bed again he stared at his last chat with Louis. Harry missed Louis, he was pissed at him and that’s why he hurt him on purpose. The combination of both feelings drove Harry crazy again. Should he text him and apologize? But Louis had hurt him too, he could of apologized as well. Of course he wouldn’t, he was pissed. Harry knew Louis and the possibility of him saying sorry wasn’t likely. Should he write him a message? Harry wasn’t sure. While he was still hesitating, someone knocked on his door. It was Jay.

“Harry? Can I come in for a moment?” she asked quietly because it was already very late at night and the others were obviously sleeping.

Harry sat down in his bed and switched on the lights. 

“Of course, come in.”

Jay sneaked in, closed the door carefully and sat down next to Harry. She held a tablet in her hands.  

“I’m so desperate because of Louis. I thought he was in LA because of his work with the local charity organization but then I found these pictures on accident.” Jay’s voice was low, her hands were nearly trembling as she handed Harry the device. “He told me that he had to go there because of his charity but obviously it wasn’t true.” Jay’s voice nearly cracked at the end of the sentence and tears were running down her cheeks. 

“He’s there for the stunt,” she said crying. 

“Why now? Why during Christmas time? It’s breaking my heart Harry . . . I . . . I don’t know how to handle this anymore . . . why is Simon doing this to him? What has Louis done to be punished like that?” 

Jay’s voice was thick with tears as she buried her face into the palms of her hands and sobbed loudly. 

“I don’t know what to do,” she cried.

Harry stared at the pictures in front of him and his heart started beating faster immediately. There he was, Louis with the baby. Louis talking to Briana. Then Harry saw other pictures that showed Louis with Danielle and the baby and how Louis walked along the city streets, hand in hand with Danielle. The pictures showed clearly that Louis wasn’t happy at all but still. It hurt Harry to see his boyfriend in that state but he also felt jealous, although he knew he shouldn’t have. 

“I’m sorry,” Harry said, handing the tablet back to Jay and gave her a hug.

“I didn’t know they would force him to do this around Christmas,” Jay sobbed, “. . . it’s breaking my heart for him and . . . for you too.”

Harry pressed his lips together and nodded but he stayed quiet.

“It must hurt you so much. I just want you to know that if you need to talk, you can always come to me. It’s also hard for me that I’m not allowed to talk about this stunt to people but I know Louis told you and I’m sure you won’t tell anyone so if you need to talk about it . . .” Jay exhaled loudly. 

She put the tablet away and looked at Harry.

“I . . . I don’t know what to say to be honest,” Harry answered quietly.

“It’s okay, I just . . . I needed someone to talk to. Sorry that I bothered you that late, you’re probably very tired.”

Harry shook his head. “Don’t worry, it’s all good.”

“Thank you.” Jay gave Harry a small smile. She kissed his cheek and wished him goodnight. Then she walked out of the room.

Suddenly Harry wasn’t tired anymore. His feelings were a mess, a complete mess. He couldn’t sort out the feelings of love, hate and jealousy anymore. Everything was blurry. Harry felt this uncomfortable, queasy feeling in the pit of his stomach again and his anger nearly made him break something. He couldn’t stand to see Louis with Briana or Danielle, he hated him for holding hands with Danielle and he was so pissed that Louis couldn’t be with him – what if he didn’t love him anymore? Harry had the impression that Louis had spent more time with Briana and Danielle than with him. He just couldn’t sit there in his bed doing nothing. Harry got dressed quickly, took his phone with him and walked down the stairs as quietly as possible. Louis had built a small recording studio in the cellar that was soundproof and Harry thought that place would be best to call him. He needed to hear his voice and he needed to talk to him, no matter what. Harry locked himself in the recording cabin, sat down on the floor and called Louis.

“Harry?” Louis said surprised. “Is this you?”

“Yeah, it’s me.” Harry said quietly. 

He was nervous to hear Louis’ voice again and all he wanted was to hold him and tell him how sorry he was but he didn’t dare to.  

“I . . . your mum showed me some pictures of . . .  of you, Briana, Danielle and the baby and they made me very sad.”

“Are they already online? Jesus, they’re quick,” Louis answered with a sigh.  “At least the weather was nice yesterday when we went to that place.”

“It hurts to see you with those girls . . .” Harry tried to stay calm.

“It’s just a job.”

“But you held hands with Danielle.” replied Harry

“I sometimes have to.”

“But you don’t have to do it all the time. You held hands with Danielle in almost every picture and you smiled at her too!”

“Harry, I held hands with her for only a few seconds while the paps were taking pictures!  And of course I smiled at her while we talked! We were just trying to make the best out of the worst, as usual. You don’t need to worry about this.”

“It will always worry me, to be honest,” Harry pouted.

“Harry, don’t do that again,” Louis warned.

“What?”

“Starting an argument about something we both can’t change.”

“I’m not arguing. I’m just telling you that it hurts me,” Harry snapped.

Louis is sightly annoyed. 

“Harry . . . I’ve known you for five years now and I can hear it in your tone. Just stop it, we gone though this all before.”

“Stop telling me how to feel about this!” Harry nearly yelled at his boyfriend.

“I’m not telling you how to feel Harry! I’m just saying you shouldn’t talk to me like that because it won’t get us anywhere!”

“It hurts,” Harry said sadly.

“I know. I . . . I miss you,” Louis answered with a sigh. “Don’t be stubborn.”

“I’m not stubborn. If you miss me then come home,” Harry answered coolly.

“I can’t.”

“Why not?” Harry raised his voice again. “Just book a flight and come home!” 

Harry turned on the speaker and rested his head against the big parts of grey foam that were used to cover the walls in the room.

“Harry, I have to stay here because I’m told to, I can’t come home as mu . . . “

Harry interrupted Louis. “Listen! I’m fed up with this. I’m fed up with the stunts, I’m fed up with those girls and that fucking baby, I just can’t take it anymore! Please Louis, please come home!”

“Harry!” Louis’ tone got more serious too, nearly warning. 

“I can’t leave whenever I want, I’ve already told you a hundred times. As much as I want to be with you and my family, I can’t! You have to understand that. . . I can’t.”

Harry was so enraged that he grabbed a book next to him and threw it against the wall.

“No Louis, I don’t believe you! If you really wanted to be here with me you could do something about it but instead you prefer hanging around with those bitches!”

Harry was desperate, his tone was nearly derogatory. “You’re holding hands with Danielle while I’m here on my own? Why can’t I hold your hand? You’re there, smiling at Danielle while I’m missing you like crazy and that baby is just the final touch! I don’t believe you Louis! I don’t believe you at all!” Harry was at the verge of tears. 

“If you really wanted to come home, you would find a way but it’s obvious that you prefer to stay where you are!” he yelled into the phone and nearly threw it onto the floor next to him while he was covering his eyes, sobbing into his hands. 

Suddenly Harry could hear a female voice calling Louis what made the pain even worse. He cried into the phone as he was nearly falling onto the floor.

“Louis, where are you? Who is calling you? What are you doing?” Harry’s voice was thick with tears.

“It’s Danielle, we’re out for lu . . . “ Louis replied but Harry just lost it.

“Louis, I’m fed up with you, I’m fed up with Danielle and I really can’t take it anymore! Why are you with her and not with me? You spend your days with her all the time . . . are you cheating on me Louis? Are you cheating on me with that girl? You like her more than me, don’t you? Are you about to break up with me? Is this the end? Please Louis don’t, don’t let this be the end, please . . . “ Harry couldn’t speak anymore because his voice was hoarse and the desperation he felt made his body tremble.

He laid on the floor, curled up like a baby, sobbing so hard that he choked making it difficult to breathe. 

“I’m fed up too Harry!” Louis yelled into the speaker, “I’m fed up with the situation I’m in and with you this time! Why can’t you at least try to accept those circumstances? You have no idea how I feel right now, you only think about yourself! You don’t let me explain things and honestly Harry, if you really think I’m enjoying this, then it would be better for both of us to just keep distance! I’m telling you that I miss you and all you reply is that you don’t believe me? Do you think stunting is something that makes ME happy?” Louis’ voice was so loud, angry. 

“So you want us to break up? Well okay, maybe that would be the only helpful thing in this situation because obviously you can’t deal with our relationship as it is anymore!”

“Stop talking Louis, just stop!” Harry yelled that his throat hurt while he was still crying.

“Call me when you’re normal again,” Louis said angrily. “Bye.”

“No!” Harry yelled into the phone but Louis had already ended the call.

 “No! No! No!” Harry nearly hyperventilated while he was crying and sobbing into the palms of his hands, lying on the floor next to his phone. 

He was desperate, really desperate about the situation with Louis. Harry should have been used to the stunts after five years but obviously he wasn’t. His own stunts were nearly breaking him but this was worse. Knowing that Louis was with those girls all the time nearly broke Harry. He couldn’t deal with the situation the way he should have. The boy was furious, enraged, sad, disappointed – all the feelings gathered inside of him made him weak. The pain in his heart was nearly unbearable, slowly taking control over him. 

Harry got up slowly and went upstairs, grabbed his small toiletry bag and rushed into the bathroom. While Harry let the blade slide through his soft, untouched skin of his right forearm he thought of the fact that no physical pain could be as painful as the burning feeling he was carrying inside of him.

When he lied down in his bed again, Harry made a decision. He didn’t want to stay at the Tomlinson’s house anymore. He needed a break from everything, he needed a change and he needed to get away. The next morning he packed up his things and left Tomlinsons house. He flew to LA where he always went when everything got too much to cope with. 


	6. Louis' POV

“Fuck!” Louis yelled and kicked a few pebbles down the street that were in his way when he walked back into the restaurant where Danielle was waiting for him. 

“Have you already payed?” Louis asked her rudely while he sat down opposite her. The paparazzi's were gone so he didn’t have to sit next to her and hold her hand.

“You don’t have to be so rude all the time,” Danielle complained. “It’s not my fault that we have to do this and yes – I payed.”

“I know but it’s just too much for me these days. I had to spend Christmas away from my family and loved ones, I get told who I have to spend most of my time, Harry is furious and refuses to understand that I’m not happy with the situation as it is! It’s terrible! Can’t we just stop this show and concentrate on our real work again?” Louis said angrily while he was typing something into his phone.

Danielle looked at Louis. “So . . . you want to tell me that you don’t like to spent time with me?” she said quietly. “I . . . I thought you liked me well like . . . spending time with me . . . a little bit.”

Louis looked up and frowned. “You thought? We’re colleagues, nothing more.”

“Oh I . . . I thought we were . . .” the girl looked down and bit her lip.

“What Danielle? That we’re friends?” Louis’ tone was rude and he raised his voice. He knew that and the words just tumbled out of his mouth as it sometimes happened but he didn’t feel sorry. Danielle was nice but for Louis, she was only a colleague he had to work with.

She looked shocked and Louis could see a little tear appearing in the inner corner of her eye. She nodded. 

“I’m not sure if they told you but . . . I’m not spending time with you because I want to. You are aware of the fact that this whole thing is just a stunt, aren’t you?”

Danielle nodded. “I know but . . . I . . . I can’t control my feelings, Louis. I like you and I’m enjoying every second of it, maybe more than I’ve ever . . . “

Louis held his hands up. 

“Wait, wait. Are you going to tell me that . . . “ Louis asked her horrified, pointing between both of them. Danielle started crying quietly and shook her shoulders. “Oh no Danielle, please no tears. I have a boyfriend!”

“You have what?!” Danielle nearly yelled in surprise with her eyes wide open.

“Did they tell you why we were stunting?” Louis asked her, frowning.

“They said that I could push my career by “dating” you, that’s all they told me,” Danielle answered

Louis shook his head. “This is insane. No Danielle, I’m gay and that’s why they gave me that stunt. We’re not friends and Harry’s my real boyfriend”

“But that’s . . . Harry. . .like Harry Styles?”

Louis nodded but pressed his lips together. “I think now I know why this stunt has always been easier for you than for me.”

Danielle didn’t answer. She was just staring at the table her hands folded, her lips pressed together too.

“I have to go now,” Louis said as he was getting up. “See you vFriday night” he said emotionless and left Danielle behind without looking back.

In the evening, Louis tried to call Harry but he didn’t answer. He called his mum instead and she told him that Harry had left but he didn’t tell her where he was going. Louis tried to reach Harry during the next few days but Harry didn’t respond to his messages nor did he pick up the phone. That’s why the older boy made a decision.

It was late in the evening when Louis arrived at Harry’s house in LA. He couldn’t see if Harry was home or not because the house was surrounded by a huge fence that wouldn’t allow people to see in. Louis went up and pushed the doorbell the way he always did but nobody answered. He pushed it again and again but nothing happened. Minutes passed before Louis gave up. He turned around and walked back to his car. Just as he was about to open the driver’s door, he heard a scratching sound and turned around.

The small door next to the metal gate was opened slowly and Harry appeared. 

“Hey,” Louis said quietly. “I thought you weren’t home.”

“Hey,” Harry answered while he was pushing his hair back.

Louis closed the door of his car, locked it and walked towards his boyfriend. He pointed at the door. “Can I . . . come in?”

Harry pressed his lips together, wiped his left eye and nodded. He opened the door a bit more and let Louis pass. There was a certain tension between them when they walked up the driveway to the house.

“How did you know that I was here?” Harry asked as they entered the house through the front door.

“I know that you come here when everything gets too much for you,” he answered and took off his shoes.


	7. I did it for you

Harry walked over to the large crème sofa in the middle of the living room and sat down in one corner. He rested his head onto the back of the sofa, pulled a decorative pillow into his lap and stared out of the window. He didn’t look at Louis who sat down at the other end. The silence was awkward between them but Harry just didn’t know what to say. His feelings had been a mess during the last few days. He was still mad at Louis, he was jealous and sad too, everything at once. It was just too much for him to cope with. 

“I missed you,” he said quietly, finally breaking the silence but Harry didn’t answer. He just stared out of the windows. “Haven’t you missed me?” Louis tried again. 

Of course Harry had missed him. He had missed him so much that it hurt but this was just one side of the story. The boy felt that he was on the verge of tears but he tried so hard not to cry. After a few seconds he finally turned his head toward Louis. 

“You were with Danielle, Briana and the baby the entire time. How could you miss me.” Harry’s voice was emotionless. “I don’t think you really missed me because if you did you could have come home but you didn’t.”

“Are you really starting this conversation again?” Louis answered in a harsh tone. “Are you?”

Harry didn’t answer. The way Louis spoke to him hurt, although he knew he was being unfair. He couldn’t change, he couldn’t just be happy from one second to the next. He felt a lump slowly building in his throat. He turned his face away from Louis and buried his head into the decorative pillow he was holding in his lap. It hurt to look at Louis because if he was honest with himself the only thing he wanted was to be close to his boyfriend, to lay his head into his lap and feel his gentle touch on his hair but his pride was too strong to give in. Harry heard Louis getting up from the sofa.

“So that’s it? You don’t have more to say Harry?” Louis’ voice was piercing and nearly hurt Harry’s ears. “If you still think I’m enjoying these stunts – and you know we’ve talked about this over and over again - and if you seriously think I’d rather be with them than you, then we should consider going separate ways because I’m not your fool, Harry. I’m not your toy you can toss away every time things get difficult! This situation is very complicated and hard for both of us, but mostly for me! It’s me getting the hate. It’s me they write shitty,  hurtful articles about all the time. The whole world thinks I’m an asshole who doesn’t care about anything or anyone. It’s me people permanently congratulate about being a Dad while I’m trying to go along with it without being too obvious. Have you ever once thought about how it feels for me? How it feels to pretend to have a baby, how it feels pretending to have Danielle as a girlfriend? How it feels for me to hold hands with her while you’re sitting at home? Do you have any idea of how much I’m suffering Harry?” Louis gesticulated and got more and more enraged. 

“And you’re sitting here in your safe space, telling me that I love them more than you? All I wanted was to help you back then! It was me who wanted to help you because I loved you so much! After seeing you cry and suffer all I really wanted was to relieve the pressure you had to deal with permanently when I came up with the idea to take all stunts away from you and this is your thank you? Like seriously? Do you remember how you broke down after they set you up with Caroline who was like ten years older than you? Do you remember when we were on that TV show and they asked you about dating her? What about Taylor? I still picture you crying for hours because those questions and articles hurt you immensely, do you remember how you felt? How much you cried? How much you suffered? You cried your eyes out every night because of being called a womanizer at age sixteen! Do you also remember who went to Modest and proposed the idea to protect you from further stunts? Was it you, Harry?” Louis yelled at Harry who was still not looking him in the eyes. His voice got louder and louder and his face was red out of anger. “No Harry, it wasn’t you. It was me, I went there with trembling hands, afraid to get punished for proposing this idea only but I didn’t care because I did it for you! I did it only for you without even knowing what they would be able to do to me but even if I had known, I would have never hesitated to help you out of your misery! It took me one second to agree to this because I loved you too much!” 

The older boy shook his head. His voice got low. “It’s always easier to play the victim, Harry. But we both know who the victim is these days and it’s definitely not you. You haven’t been dealing with those nasty stunts for nearly two years now while I’ve been humiliated 24/7 – in the press, on TV, on social networks. But of course you feel like you’re the one suffering. It seems like you don’t remember anything I’ve done for you and your reaction tells me you don’t care at all. I’m out of this Harry, completely out of this. If you really think I prefer Danielle or Briana over you then . . .” Louis paused. He took a deep, audible breath and walked a few steps toward the door. “Maybe it’s the best if I go now.” Louis mumbled as he walked toward the entrance door. He put his shoes on again, grabbed his rucksack and opened the door to leave.

Harry was watching Louis, he was watching every movement of his and it seemed like everything happened in slow motion. He didn’t really feel anything, he was just watching but when Louis was nearly out of the door, he felt like he was hit by a lightning. Harry jumped up, ran to the door and pulled at it so that Louis couldn’t close it.

Louis turned around. “What?” he snapped.

“Don’t go.” Harry just answered nearly in a whisper but Louis didn’t react. He turned around and continued to walk away. 

“Louis!” Harry shouted but Louis just shook his head without looking back.

“Please come back!” Harry cried. He felt like all energy was sucked out of him as he saw Louis approaching the main gate. It seemed like he really meant it and if Harry didn’t do anything about it, Louis would walk out of his life in the blink of an eye. The younger boy ran towards the gate, shouting Louis’ name at the top of his lungs which made Louis finally turn around. Harry ran towards his boyfriend, wrapped his arms around him and cried bitterly. 

“Please Louis, don’t go!” he sobbed but Louis didn’t react. He didn’t wrap his arms around Harry as he thought he would. 

“I don’t believe you.” His voice was cold as he was pushing Harry away from him. The younger boy was standing in front of Louis, his cheeks stained with tears, his eyes were burning from his tears and his body was slightly trembling. He shook his head frantically while he was reaching out for Louis again but Louis didn’t react.

 “No Louis, no, no, no! Don’t go away! Please!”

Louis shook his head. “I’ve heard enough and I’m not buying it this time,” he answered as he was turning away from Harry again.

Harry desperately wanted to stop Louis so he quickly walked in front of him, grabbed one of his wrists with both of his hands and fell onto his knees in front of the older boy. 

“No Louis, I really mean it! Please don’t go away! Please don’t! I really need you to stay, I’m sorry for everything! I really mean it, please don’t leave me! Please stay here with me! I’ve missed you so much and I know I’ve hurt you. I’m sorry for being unfair to you and I miss you so much! Please Louis, you have to believe me. Please . . . please don’t go. I need you!” Harry nearly choked on his own tears because he couldn’t stop crying. 

He was sobbing and crying so hard that he wasn’t able to speak anymore. His voice and body were trembling heavily while he looked into Louis’ eyes. More and more tears were streaming down his face and the desperation that filled him was so painful that he nearly lost control over his body. 

“I’m begging you Louis, please stay.” Harry pleaded. The pain in his heart had reached a point where he would have done anything possible to prevent Louis from walking away. His sobs got worse and worse. 

“I need you so much!” His voice was slowly failing what caused his last words to come out as a whisper.

After a few minutes Harry found himself on the sofa, Louis’ arms wrapped around him while he was crying into his chest. Whenever Harry tried to speak Louis kissed his hair and told him not to. Even if Harry had tried, he wouldn’t have succeeded in saying one word because he was still a mess and he was still choking on his own tears. Feeling Louis’ hand caressing his back and hair calmed Harry down after a while. Louis’ warmth felt so good and his touches were so soothing that Harry nearly fell asleep onto Louis’ chest. He felt so safe around Louis and he realized how much he had missed him.

When he calmed down and his tears had dried, Harry gave Louis a kiss onto his neck where he also rested his head. 

“I’m so sorry,” he mumbled into Louis’ neck and kissed it again softly. “I’m so sorry, Lou.”

Louis kissed Harry’s temple before he wrapped his arms tighter around him again and gave him a squeeze.

“I didn’t mean what I said.” Harry whispered and the second he said the sentence hot tears of guilt ran down his cheeks again. Although Harry didn’t want to cry again he couldn’t control the reactions of his body. He just did. 

“I was mean to you and I was so selfish but just because . . .” Harry cried and buried his head into the crook of Louis’ neck.

 “It’s okay baby. I know you’re hurt and I’m sure you missed me just as I have missed you all the time.” Louis caressed his boyfriend’s back slowly.

Harry looked up. “You . . . you missed me?” he asked disbelieving.

Louis gave him a small smile and nudged the tip of Harry’s nose. 

“Of course, silly.”

“Me too.” Harry sobbed quietly and laid his head down onto Louis’ chest again.

They stayed like this for a long time before Harry got up and sat down next to Louis. He wiped his eyes with his trembling hands. 

“I appreciate what you’ve done for me, I really do Lou.” Harry whispered and touched his boyfriend’s cheek gently. “I regret everything I said to you and I just want you to know that I didn’t mean it. I . . . I just . . . I can’t get over this. I can’t stand when you’re with them, it hurts.” Harry said quietly. His whole body shook as he tried to speak again and Louis just pulled him back into his embrace again.

“Just let it all out. I know what you’re going through and I know it hurts but I don’t have a choice. It hurts me to see you sad.” Louis said and gave Harry a cute little kiss onto his forehead. 

“You have to believe me that you’re the only one for me, the only one.” The boy lifted Harry’s head up a bit and gave him a small kiss onto his lips.

“Thank you.” Harry whispered quietly and looked at Louis.

The boy ran his hands through Harry’s curls and placed cute little kisses all over Harry’s face. Then he cupped the boy’s cheeks into his hands and leaned in for a longer, slow kiss. Harry didn’t budge and kissed Louis back tenderly. It felt so good to feel Louis’ lips onto his again. Kissing Louis was one of his favourite feelings because Louis was such a good kisser and Harry felt the butterflies in his stomach again. When he pulled back, Louis let his hand run through Harry’s hair again. Then he took Harry’s hand into his and cupped it. “I think we both suffered more than ever this year. It was the worst Christmas I’ve ever had, to be honest.” Louis’s eyes got wet too and a tear ran down his cheek. “You have to believe me that I’m not interested in these girls at all, Harry. The only person I want is you and I knew this right when we met. You’re the love of my life and nobody and nothing will be able change these feelings I have for you. I know we’ve been through hard times and this is probably the hardest for us but . . .” 

Harry just looked at Louis, gently stroking his wet cheek with his thumb. 

“I should have known better,” he said quietly, leaning in for another slow kiss. He hugged Louis tight and pressed his whole body agains him. “I’m sorry for shouting at you, I’m sorry for making it so hard for you and I’m sorry for being a dick.”

Louis chuckled. Harry had never used the word “dick” before and it sounded kind of cute out of his mouth. He gave the boy a small smile. 

“You were hurt, it’s okay. Don’t worry about it anymore.” Louis gave Harry a quick kiss on his lips. “The most important thing is that we’re together again.”

“Thank you,” Harry said and gave Louis a tight hug. Then he pulled back and took Louis’ hand into his. “Would you stay tonight?”

Louis nodded. “I’d love to.”


	8. The right time to . . .

Harry woke up in the middle of the night because of the storm that was gathering outside. The thunder made him scoot closer to Louis who was fast asleep next to him. He moved and pressed his body closer to his boyfriend. There was no better place for him to be, definitely. The sound of the thunder was so loud all of a sudden and a lightning was striking close by that made Harry jump on Louis a little.

“Lou, Louis!” Harry whispered.

“Hm?” Louis growled half asleep and turned towards Harry with closed eyes.

“The storm is getting heavier.” Harry whispered, but Louis just pulled him close without answering. It felt so good that Louis was there but Harry couldn’t fall asleep again although Louis’ warmth was calming him.

The room was dark, only the bursts of lightning illuminated the room and with the nightlight on a nearby wall. Harry loved the darkness and he loved to . . . should he? Louis had turned around again and was now lying on his back. Harry let his fingertips trace down Louis’ chest, gently touching his nipples what made Louis shift. Harry smiled and let his hand travel down Louis’ chest, gently rubbing circles onto his warm skin. Louis just smiled with his eyes closed and put his hand onto Harry’s. 

“I can’t sleep,” Harry whispered into Louis’ ear.

Louis chuckled but stayed quiet. Harry kissed Louis’ chest and continued to move his hand down until he reached the waist of his boxers and let his hand rest there. Harry looked at Louis who was still laying there in complete silence. Harry laid his head onto Louis’ chest and let his hand slide over Louis’ crotch gently. 

“It’s in the middle of the night, love.” Louis whispered but put his arm around Harry and pulled him close.

“I know but . . . isn’t this the right time to . . . just . . . “ Harry cooed into Louis’ ear and gripped Louis’ length through his boxers. He moved his hand up and down slowly and nibbled at Louis’ neck. Harry kissed Louis’ neck gently and let go of his cock while he proped himself up on his elbow, facing Louis who had opened his eyes a bit. His fingers traced Louis’ face and he gently pressed a kiss onto Louis lips. When he pulled away, Louis suddenly put his hands around Harry’s neck and pulled him down for a kiss. Harry followed Louis’ tongue and although the kiss started slowly and gentle it soon heated up and it didn’t take long until Louis’ mouth was attached to Harry’s neck what made Harry moan silently.

Louis stopped his actions and looked deep into Harry’s eyes. 

“I missed you so much, I missed all of this,” he whispered before he leaned in for another kiss. Harry smiled into the kiss and cupped Louis’ cheeks into his hands. 

“I want you to touch me Lou, please,” he whispered silently, gently pressing his lips onto Louis’.

“You want that babe? Alright then . . .” just relax, okay?” Louis cooed into the kiss and pushed Harry down onto the bed while another lightning struck somewhere close. 

Louis let his hand run across Harry’s face and leaned in for another kiss before he gently circled Harry’s puffy nipples with the tips of his fingers, then licked and sucked at them what made Harry whimper. His nipples were so sensitive and there was a straight connection between them and his cock, because he could already feel getting semi-hard just because of Louis’ touch. Louis pinched Harry’s nipples a few times and moved his head down his tummy until he reached his boxers. He touched Harry through his boxers but soon pulled them down and gave Harry a quick lick before he gave Harry a sign to get up from his position. Harry obeyed and watched Louis sitting down against the wall. He made a sign for Harry to come closer and sit between his legs.

Harry kissed Louis again, pressed against Louis’ hot body and leaned his head back while Louis was gently nibbling at Harry’s neck. He took Harry into his hand and stroked him gently at first, slowly teasing him by touching his tip from time to time.

“That feels so good Lou, please don’t stop,” Harry whispered with his eyes closed, enjoying Louis’ touch.

“You like that, don’t you? Do you want me to make you come like this? Rubbing your dick until you explode? Yeah?” he said with a hoarse voice and kept on moving his hand up and down Harry’s shaft.

Harry whimpered. “Yeah Lou, yeah please!”

Harry could feel Louis’ breath on his neck and he was sure he was smiling while he increased the speed of his movements.

“Fuck Harry, you’re so wet already!” Louis said. “I love when you’re close but . . . you won’t come already love,” Louis responded to Harry’s quiet moans. He slowed down his speed and let go of Harry’s penis just to lean in for a deep, french kiss. Harry was so needy that he touched himself but Louis gripped his hand. 

“Don’t you dare touching yourself, Harry!” he said, pushing his hand away.

“But Lou, I . . . I can’t . . .” he panted but Louis shook his head. “You can love, you can. Stay like this, okay?” Louis said and moved away from the wall, positioning himself in front of Harry. He kneeled down and touched Harry’s length again, spitting on it. Harry grabbed Louis’ hair and pulled it a bit while he pressed his head down. 

“Baby you’re so horny,” Louis whispered while he shook his head, looking directly into Harry’s eyes. “I love it,” he said and wrapped his mouth around Harry who let out a quiet moan.

Louis sucked and licked Harry’s tip a few times before he took nearly Harry’s whole length into his mouth which wasn’t easy because Harry was big. Louis’ gagging turned Harry on and he pushed his head down again what made Louis splutter and pull back. He let his mouth slide up and down in a steady rhythm, circled his tip with his tongue while he worked his hand up and down Harry’s shaft faster and faster. The sensation of this was heavenly and Harry gripped the sheets tighter so that his knuckles were nearly white. 

“Lou . . . I . . . I’m so close please!” he whimpered while he couldn’t stay still. He needed more, he needed Louis and he was so close that it nearly hurt. “Please Lou, please faster!” Harry nearly screamed when Louis was about to slow down again. “Don’t tease me, please I can’t!”

Louis smirked, gave Harry a sloppy kiss and moved close to his ear. 

“Okay love, I’ll make you come now. Ready?” Louis whispered and gave Harry’s ear a lick which he loved. It sent a shiver down his spine. 

“Please!” Harry pleaded again and Louis obeyed. He went down again to please Harry and it took him only seconds to bring him over the edge.

After Harry recovered, he nuzzled close to Louis and enjoyed being close to him but soon the atmosphere heated up again. What started with a slow kiss again turned into a beautiful make out session that ended with them making love to each other again while the world outside was drowning in thunder, lightning and rain.


	9. Late Christmas presents

After some more cuddling and kissing, Harry went into the kitchen to order pizza for both of them. Meanwhile, Louis took a wrapped box out of his rucksack and placed it onto the table in front of the sofa. A little christmas card was tucked under the ribbon too.

“What’s that?” Harry asked surprised when he came back and plopped down next to Louis again.

“That’s your Christmas present love.” Louis said with a smile as he gave it to Harry.

“Oh,” Harry remarked quietly as he took it and placed it onto his lap. He felt his cheeks flush. “You . . . you got me a present for Christmas?” he asked disbelieving. 

“Why shouldn’t I?” Louis asked.

 “Well . . . maybe because I was such a jerk?” Harry said quietly.

Louis just caressed Harry’s back. “It’s all good now. Don’t worry about it.” 

Harry just looked at the wrapped box in front of him without opening it. “What’s the matter?” Louis asked confused.

Harry sighted again. “It’s just . . . I . . . I feel so bad because I don’t have one for you this year. I was so mad and angry . . . that I didn’t buy one for you,” he said in a sad tone. Harry felt so bad for Louis and he wished he would have bought him one. “I’m such a bad person.”

Louis gave Harry a kiss onto his cheek and pulled him close for a few seconds. 

“You aren’t. Being able to spend time with you is my present this Christmas and I’m so happy that you want me to stay here with you. That’s the best present ever.” 

Harry gave Louis a small smile, leaned onto Louis’ shoulder and buried his face into the crook of his neck. He kissed the soft skin a few times and sighted. “Thank you but . . . I still feel bad.”

“Don’t. It’s just something small but . . . would you shut up now and open your present already?” Louis said and slapped Harry’s arm playfully.

Harry smiled. “Okay, okay.”  He tugged at the little bow and slowly pulled away the wrapping paper.

There were two envelopes in the box. One was sealed, the other one was open. 

“Oh Louis, that’s so cute! You remembered it?” Harry said cheerfully, holding a cute mug into his hands he took out of the box first.

Louis smiled. “Yeah I got it for you.”

“But . . . how? I mean when we saw it we didn’t have time to stop at the shop and you . . . managed to buy it? How?”

Harry’s baffled facial expression made Louis laugh. “I won’t tell you,” he smirked and gave Harry a kiss. Harry pouted.

“It’s a unicum, look!” Louis pointed at the small receipt that was attached to the handle of the mug.

Harry smiled at his boyfriend. “Just as you! Thank you so much, I’m so happy about it! Oh and . . . what’s this?” Harry took out the open envelope out of the box. There were some pictures that Harry didn’t know existed. The first picture showed him sleeping on the tour bus with Lux cuddled up to him. The second one showed Harry and Louis on a rollercoaster, the third showed Harry last Christmas. 

“Oh Lou, I didn’t know these pictures were even existing . . . wow, thank you so much!”

Louis smiled. “There are more, have a look!”

Harry continued to look at the pictures. “What . . . what is this?” he shouted surprised as he was holding the other pictures in his hands. 

“That’s . . . that’s my new stuff but . . . what? Lou?” Harry looked at Louis who had a smirk in his face. It took Harry a few seconds to realize what he was holding in his hands. 

“You’re kidding me, aren’t you!” Harry said smiling, leaning onto Louis shortly.

Louis shook his head. “I’m not kidding.”

“So you want to tell me that you . . . you really decorated the house? Did you?” Harry was so happy that he couldn’t stop smiling. Louis had really decorated the house with his new Christmas stuff Harry had bought a few weeks ago. “I thought you hated it . . .”

Louis gave Harry a kiss. “I did this for you, baby. It was hard for me to find out that you had thrown the bags away.”

Harry hugged Louis tenderly. “You’re the best, Lou! Thanks! I can’t wait to get home with you . . . I mean,” Harry said, his voice getting quiet at the end, “. . . whenever that is.” He smiled and took the sealed envelope out of the box.

 “That’s your main present, to be honest,” Louis said and rubbed Harry’s back. 

Harry sighted. “You’re my main present, love.,” he said smiling and gave Louis a kiss onto his cheek. “But okay, let me see . . .”

Harry slowly opened the letter, reading out some of the words quietly. “Law Offices of Matthew J. Pearlman, London . . . Dear Mr. Styles, in order . . . that we can finally meet . . . making a final decision . . . contract with Modest Management . . . appointment . . . Mr. Horan, Mr. Payne and Mr. Tomlinson . . . better conditions . . .” The boy stopped reading and looked at Louis with wide eyes. 

“But this . . . this is Zayn’s lawyer! What do you want to tell me? Is this a joke?” Harry stared at Louis and the letter, not realizing what he was holding in his hands.

“No, it’s not a joke, love. Zayn’s lawyer is one of the best in Hollywood, that’s why I consulted him. I want us to be musicians, not puppets that are told what to do like we are right now. With Modest we’re in a trap. We’re like prisoners who can’t move, we’re like birds that can’t fly although they have wings. This isn’t what all of us want and this isn’t what we’ve hoped for when we started the band years ago. It all got worse and now we’re at a point where we just need to do something against them. I want us, Niall and Liam to be happy,” Louis explained. “I would love to develop with the band, free from restrictions and boundaries when it comes to music and publicity. I want us to be people again, people who are in a relationship together and who don’t have to hide and deny this all the time. I want to be your boyfriend in front of the world and not only behind closed doors. I want us to make music we really like and I just . . . I just want you to be happy. You deserve it more than anyone.”

Harry was tearing up again but this time out of joy and love. He cupped Louis’ face into his hands. 

“You’re the best boyfriend ever and I’ve never been so proud of someone as I’m of you. I love you so much and I just have to repeat again how sorry I am for saying all these hurtful things to you. This present is the best I’ve ever gotten. Thank you so much love, thank you.” Harry said to Louis.

“I’m happy that you like it.”

“I really do but . . . do you think we have a chance to win this? I mean . . . “ Harry asked thoughtfully.

Louis nodded. “I really think so. Pearlman is one of the best lawyers and it will cost me a small fortune but I don’t care. I want us to be free. I want to hold you hand in public, I want to kiss you in public and I just want you to break free. It’s all worth it, for sure,” Louis said and hugged Harry. “I love you.”

A few minutes later the pizza arrived. Louis and Harry sat on the sofa, happily munching their pizza while they were watching a show on TV. After they had finished eating, the boys cuddled up on the couch. It felt so good to be with Louis again. Harry had missed his touch, his warmth and the sound of his heartbeat. He couldn’t stop nuzzling closer to him and placing cute little kisses onto his neck where the skin was so soft that Harry just couldn’t get enough of it. Louis’ smell always made him feel at home and just the feeling of being close to him was enough to let Harry feel safe and warm. He let out a loud sigh and wrapped his arms tighter around Louis.

“Is anything wrong babe?” Louis asked Harry.

Harry shook his head while he didn’t move away from Louis chest. “No, I’m just happy that you’re here.”

“You’re so cute.” Louis answered and ran his fingers through Harry’s hair before he started scratching his scalp gently.

“So are you.” Harry smiled and kissed Louis’ neck softly.

After a while Harry got up from Louis’ chest and pushed up the sleeve of his shirt without thinking about the scars. He saw Louis watching him what made him pull the sleeve down quickly. Had he seen something?

“Hey, hey . . . “ Louis said quietly, “. . . what . . . what is this?”

“What?” Harry asked, feeling the heat crawling up his body.

Louis sat up and touched Harry’s wrist gently. “Can you . . . can you push your sleeve up again, love?”

Harry pulled his hand arm away from Louis. “No, I . . . no.” He didn’t dare to look Louis in the eyes. He was ashamed that he had started cutting again and Louis shouldn’t see it.

“Okay . . . I . . .nevermind,” Louis answered and pulled Harry close again. “I didn’t want to make you feel bad or something. Come here.” he said quietly and let Harry lie down on his chest again. Louis’ heartbeat was so calm that Harry nearly fell asleep.


	10. Finally Free

When Harry woke up the next morning, he realized that Louis was next to him and the feeling in his chest nearly made his heart burst. Louis was looking at him when their eyes met and smiled at Harry. 

“I’m so happy that we’re together again,” Louis whispered and caressed Harry’s arm gently. Harry had goose bumps all over his body, Louis’ touch felt so good. 

“Me too,” he whispered back and gave Louis a kiss onto his mouth. Louis smiled at Harry and took his hand in his. His touch made Harry close his eyes.

Suddenly he felt how Louis let his fingertips run down his arm. Now that it wasn’t dark in the room anymore Louis would probably notice . . . Harry suddenly jerked his arm away from Louis and turned around so that he turned his back to his boyfriend. He stayed quiet as he was staring out of the window.

Louis gently touched his shoulder. “Hey, Harry . . . please talk to me.” he said softly and caressed Harry’s shoulder.

Harry didn’t turn around immediately but after a while, he did. He was at the verge of tears as he looked into Louis’ eyes. Louis sat up in bed and lifted his cover up. 

“Come here” he said quietly, making a sign with his head.

Harry quickly moved over to Louis, put his head onto his chest and nuzzled close to him, wrapping his arm around Louis’ warm body. Louis caressed Harry’s hair. They stayed like this for a while until Harry started talking.

“I’m sorry, I . . . “ he said as he felt a lump building in his throat. “I know I have promised that I’d never do it again but . . . I was so sad and I missed you so much that I didn’t know what do do . . .” Harry sobbed and looked at Louis. “I missed you so much but . . . at the same time I was so mad at you that I . . . I don’t know . . .”

“It must hurt so bad . . .” Louis said and gently traced Harry’s rough skin. “I wasn’t aware how much you’ve suffered.” Louis gave Harry a gentle kiss onto his forehead and wiped his tears away. “Love, don’t cry, okay? I’m here with you now and please . . . you have to believe me that you’re the only one for me. You don’t have to worry about Danielle or Briana . . . they don’t mean anything to me. Not at all.” They older boy let his hand run up and down Harry’s bare back.

Harry sobbed and kissed Louis’ neck. “The cuttings didn’t hurt as much as it hurt to be without you, Lou. And I’m sorry for doing this again although I promised you that I would stop.”

“If I can help you Harry, please tell me, okay?”

“You’re here, that’s the only thing that helps me getting away from it,” Harry whispered. “It feels so good to have you here, honestly.”

Louis put his fingers under Harry’s chin and pushed it up to kiss him gently. 

“Now I’m here with you and I promise to spend as much time with you as possible. And you know, that’s exactly why I want us to win the trial. Just look at your arms – you hurt yourself because you missed me. I couldn’t spend Christmas with you, I couldn’t see my family and I think these reasons are enough to at least try. I can’t live by knowing that you hurt yourself, Harry. I don’t want you to suffer just because of our shitty contracts. I’ve talked to Pearlman a lot during the last months and he’s very confident about the issues.”

Harry sighted. “I really hope so. I love you, Louis.”

“I love you too, baby,” Louis answered. “Oh and . . . I have to tell you something.”

Harry got up from Louis’ chest suddenly. He felt sad all of a sudden as he looked into Louis’ eyes but couldn’t read him.

Louis looked down for a second. “I . . . I got a call from the PR guy yesterday and . . . “

“Oh no, please don’t tell me that you have to stunt again . . .” Harry said sadly, pushing his hair back. He pressed his lips together and rubbed over his face with the palms of his hands and exhaled loudly. 

“Oh god.”

Louis smirked. “We can actually spend New Years Eve together!”

“What? Really?” Harry yelled and threw his arms around Louis’ neck and held him as tight as possible. He started crying out of happiness as he pulled back and cupped Louis’ face into his hands. “You make me so happy Louis, you make me so happy!”

“I’m happy too, love and you know what? I’ve already booked our flight and we’ll be home on Wednesday!” Louis said with a smile.

“Oh my god, that’s the best thing ever! We’ll spend quality time together and I’ll finally see the decorated house and it will be so cool because we won’t be worrying about stunts and beards! That’s so cool! Thank you Louis, thank you for everything!” 

> > >

It was already late when Harry opened the door to their London home, he couldn’t believe his eyes. Of course he had seen the pictures but this was different.  The house looked so beautiful with all that Christmas decoration Louis had put everywhere. “Wow Lou, you made it so pretty!” Harry said as he was looking at Louis. He smiled at him, took Harry’s hand and lead him into the living room.

“This is my third present for you, Harry,” Louis said and pulled the boy close.

“This is . . . this is, I mean, it’s even prettier than in the pictures!” he said and gave Louis a kiss. “I know you hate decorating . . .” Harry whispered and a few tears of emotion ran down Harry’s cheeks as he was walking through the living room. Suddenly he stopped and looked at Louis, pointing at the wall. “How did you . . . I mean . . . you put them back?” The pictures Harry had destroyed when he was angry were hanging there as if nothing had happened.

Louis winked at Harry. “That will be my secret,” he answered and walked over to Harry.

Harry took Louis’ hands and looked onto the floor. “Lou, I’m sorry for everything and I feel so embarassed that I destroyed everything.”

Louis caressed Harry’s cheek. “It’s okay now, don’t worry.”

The sweet gesture made Harry look up. “Thank you for everything. The house looks so pretty and I’m so happy to be here with you.”

“So am I baby, so am I,” Louis said quietly and pulled Harry close for a kiss. “What do you think about taking a bath together? You’re freezing and . . . I bought something you might like a lot!” Louis proposed and pulled Harry up the stairs into the bathroom. “Look what I bought!”

Harry’s eyes widened. “That’s so cool! I love glittering bath salt that smells like Christmas! Why . . . I mean, you hate these kind of things, why did you . . . “ Harry said surprised as he took the small bottle out of Louis’ hands and looked at it. It was some special winter edition with the smell of pomegranate and clove.

Louis chuckled. “I do but . . . I wanted you to be happy and if that Christmas stuff makes you happy, then I’m happy. Easy as that,” Louis said with a smile.

“Wow, thank you. You’ve done so much for me these days and I was such a prick,” Harry sighted. “I don’t know how to make it up to you, to be honest.”

Louis shook his head. “You don’t need to. Stop saying you’re sorry all the time, it’s okay. Would you run a bath for us now?”

Harry smiled and gave Louis a kiss. “I’d love to!” he shouted happily. While Harry ran the bath and arranged some candles in the bathroom, Louis carried their bags upstairs and soon joined Harry in the tub. They went to bed soon this evening because of the jet lag. Harry fell asleep with his head on Louis’ chest as he was listening to Louis’ steady heartbeat that never failed to calm him.

The next days were wonderful. Harry enjoyed being with Louis so much. It meant the world to him that they were finally able to be together for a longer period of time, without work, without stunts, without obligations. The boys watched movies, cooked together, went for walks and one day Louis even agreed to go ice-skating. They spent their evenings cuddled up on the sofa, wrapped in thick blankets while the smell of fresh baked cookies filled the air.

On New Year’s Eve, Harry and Louis made a huge dinner and watched Harry’s favourite movie: “Love actually”. Later they went to the nearby hill where Louis had told Harry that he couldn’t be with him at Christmas. Harry hugged Louis from behind and put his chin onto his shoulder as they watched the colourful fireworks exploding in the sky.

“I love you, Lou,” Harry whispered into Louis’ ear. “Happy New Year.”

Louis turned around, put his arms around Harry’s waist and smiled at him. “Happy New Year, baby,” he said softly. Then he pulled Harry close for a gentle kiss.

> > >

After five nerve-racking trials that were exhausting as hell and nearly five months later, the band was finally free from their old contracts what also meant freedom for Harry and Louis. Although they had to pay a huge amount of money to their old management it was the best thing they could do. Pearlman had warned the boys about that before so they knew it could happen.

When Louis and Harry came out on national television, they felt incredibly relieved. Harry held Louis’ hand the whole time and his heart could burst because he was so proud. Just when the host was about to close the show, Harry interrupted him and whispered something in his ear. He just nodded and stepped aside as the camera focused on Harry and Louis.

“My boyfriend and I . . .“ Harry said but his words were drowned in the noise the audience made. He pushed his hair back and smiled because the reaction was impressive. When the audience got quiet again (except for a few loud screams and whistles), Harry continued talking. 

“I want to say thank you to everyone who believed in us over the years, our families, friends and of course the fans who made it through all the stunts and drama.” The audience applauded again and in the back two girls held up a banner with the “Always In My Heart tweet”. 

Harry waved at them and smiled. 

“We want to say a special thank you to all the Larry shippers and Larries who believed in us from the first day. We still can’t believe that that tweet the girls are holding up there got more than 2 million notes on twitter. It meant a lot to us and obviously this little tweet was important for you too. Thank you. Louis and I are so thankful for your endless support, for your courage to speak up, for your enthusiasm and your love.”

Louis rubbed Harry’s back. “And you know . . . the best thing for us is to finally tell you that you were right. All over the years you’ve never stopped believing in us, no matter what happened and that’s just incredible. I want to say thank you too, we love you!” Louis said proudly and couldn’t hide his smile when the audience reacted with loud yelling and chanting “Larry, Larry”. Harry gave Louis a quick kiss onto his lips what caused the crowd to cheer even louder.

“Thank you so much,” Harry continued. “And we’re both so proud that you were right all the time. We’ve seen your art, we’ve even read some of your fanfictions and the effort you put into this is just amazing. Again, Louis and I want to thank you so much for your support and for us it’s amazing to know that so many people are fighting for equal love. We love you very, very much and we appreciate your support.”

Harry used the little break to pull Louis close and give him a sweet kiss onto his cheek and Louis pulled Harry into a hug. 

“That was so kind of you, baby. I know it meant a lot to them, look at their faces.” Louis whispered into Harry’s ear before he pulled back. Harry smiled at him and caressed his cheek gently. “Thank you.”

Harry felt a tear running down his cheek what made Louis pull him close again. He was just so happy that they were officially out. Suddenly, Louis walked over to the host and whispered something in his ear. He smiled as he waked back to Harry and wrapped his arm around his hip.

“I have a big surprise for you all!” the host announced happily, patting Louis’ back. “Louis here has just offered that Harry and him would like to answer your questions. They’ve seen your tweets, they’ve read your tumblr posts and they know about what’s going on in the fandom.” The crowd cheered so loud that it nearly hurt Harry’s ears but the feeling of all those people who supported Louis and him was just overwhelming. 

“Harry and Louis will stay at the studio for a few hours and everyone who’s interested can ask a question they will maybe answer.” The crowd cheered again.

“We’ll answer most of them, I guess,” Harry laughed and smiled at Louis who nodded.

“I love you, Lou,” Harry said to Louis when the cameras were out. “This was a very nice idea, I love it. And I’m sure they’ll love it too. You’re such a sweetheart. I feel so proud to call you my boyfriend,” Harry whispered into Louis’ ear as they were walking backstage to change into comfy clothes.

They stayed at the studio for more than three hours and answered most of the fan’s questions. It was a nice atmosphere and Harry was impressed how thoughtful the majority of the fans were. Many of them had followed their every move, they questioned interviews and contracts, cared about how Harry and Louis felt during their stunts.

In the evening, Harry and Louis cuddled up in bed. Harry was gently caressing Louis’ hair while he was drawing circles onto his chest. 

“I owe this all to you Louis and I know that I will never be able to thank you for all you’ve done for me. This evening was wonderful and it feels so good to be free. Thank you, thank you for being my boyfriend. I love you so much!” Harry said and gave Louis a gentle kiss.

“No more stunts, no more beards,” Louis answered and smiled before he spooned Harry from behind.

Harry sighted and nuzzled closer to Louis. “Please, never leave me, Lou.” he whispered quietly before he closed his eyes.


End file.
